If you follow me on twitter you know that our dog Jubilee isn’t doing well.
She is 14 years old and almost two and half years ago the vet told us she had cancer and wouldn’t live much longer. I’m so thankful, we’ve had her for much longer than expected but it’s still heart breaking to see her suffering. And even more devastating not knowing what the right thing is to do for her.
Up until Wednesday we felt like even though she was having seizures and other troubles that she still had plenty of good times. She could go for walks, cuddle with the kids, enjoy the fireplace and even play a bit.
Wednesday she had 6 seizures. She hasn’t fully recovered from them, and I’m afraid she never will. She seems dazed most of the time and can’t totally control her legs. She can walk, but is very unsteady and falls over quite a bit. I don’t know if she’s lost control of her bowels or just can’t remember how to get outside, but she just goes wherever she’s at and doesn’t seem to understand what we want when we take her out. She is still eating, still interested in being petted and seems to recognize us and Kona(our other dog).
I don’t know what to do. Is this a good quality of life? No. Is it so bad that it’s time to let her go? I just don’t know. Am I being selfish keeping her or selfish letting her go (it’s not easy taking care of her)? Every time I leave the room, I’m afraid of what I’ll find when I come back. It’s hard to go to sleep and so far impossible for me to leave the house.
I was with her when she was born, and have been almost every other day since then. For all those years she has brought joy, love, and quite bit of trouble to my life. I can’t imagine my life without her trotting along behind me, yet I can’t stand this rollercoaster we’re on. Right now I can only hope that I find peace with what ever decision we make and that I can help the kids and Kona understand.